This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster for me. One that has caused me to stop and reflect on current and past events.
It all happened Friday when I heard the horrible news of the shooting at Sandy Hook elementary. I had seen the status updates flooding Facebook and I had just sat down to fold a load of laundry and decided to turn on the TV. My heart was breaking. Breaking for all the parents who wouldn't get to hug their children that night. Parents who wouldn't get to see their kids get off the bus and tell them all about their day. My heart broke for the school administrators who had to push their fear aside and protect the children. My heart broke for the students who had to witness this horrific act. I am praying for the children, parents, and the whole community of Newtown, Connecticut. As a parent, I cannot imagine the tough questions that those kids will ask and I pray that their parents find the guidance they need to answer those questions.
Shortly after I saw the news, B's bus pulled up and she came walking up the driveway laughing hysterically. When I asked her what was so funny she said, "Dustin just told me a joke." I love her innocence and carefree attitude about life and I couldn't imagine that being taken away.
I have been struggling with this all weekend. It has always been one of my biggest fears as a parent that something would happen while my kids are at school and I won't be there. I won't be in control. As I sent B off to school this morning, I felt a little more insecure than usual. Fear is not something we should have to live with.
There are no words that I can say that will make this situation any better so I'm not going to try. All I can say is that I am so sorry to the family and friends affected by the loss of those 26 lives.
On Saturday evening I lost my grandma. My dad's mom. My daughters' great grandma. She was a wonderful woman. A wife. A mom to 13. Mother-in-law to 13. Grandmother to 44 and Great grandmother to 11. A woman of good faith.
I grew up in the house right next to my grandparents. The love that they had for each other after 58 years was phenomenal. Something for all of the younger generations to definitely admire. I have some fond memories from spending a lot of time at their house growing up.
One of my favorite quotes is: Memories are treasures that time cannot destroy. My grandparents have a sidewalk around their house and living in the country that is pretty uncommon. If you didn't want to ride in the grass, gravel, or dirt then you had to ride on the road and being a little kid my mom wouldn't let me do that so I would head to Grandma and Grandpa's and ride the bike around their house.
In the summer, for I don't know how many years, the guys (I think it was the guys. Maybe some girls pitched in on this part too. I was little so my memory is a little fuzzy.) would pick a truck bed load of sweet corn. We would all take part in the shucking then it was off to the house to freeze it.
My Grandma's desk sat right in front of a window and every time I looked at that window I knew that she was sitting on the other side of it probably doing the unending bookwork that came with managing a farm.
Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve was always spent at their house and Santa always stopped by on Christmas Eve which he still does, and it was always such a magical time as a kid. To have Santa stop by YOUR grandparent's house on Christmas was AMAZING! Now the festivities have moved to a different location because our family has outgrown the house, but Santa still comes and I am enjoying watching the magic unfold as my kids see Santa at our family Christmas.
In the summer our "City Cousins" from Ohio would come for a day and enjoy all the sights and smells of life on a farm. I always enjoyed the fellowship that came with that day. I guess I took living on a farm for granted at that age.
I have my grandma to thank for my love of Frank Sinatra, Lawrence Welk, Bing Crosby, Christmas music and Big Band music. On Saturday and Sunday nights as I'm surfing the channels I will come across the Lawrence Welk Show on PBS and watch it. Brad will grumble, but I will revel in the memories of what those songs bring back.
(this is picture is a few years old, but I am on the desktop computer and it was the only one I could find at the moment.)